the regard that something is held to deserve;
the importance, worth, or usefulness of something.
I'm going to start in the deep trenches + just call it like it is: I think we undervalue ourselves.
I know I do.
Personally, valuing myself has been a constant struggle. And honestly, I really thought I had nipped it in the bud.
Until I hired a coach.
And then it started to seep out into my professional world.
That really only meant one thing: it was still there.
You know, the struggle.
The low self worth.
The undervaluing of who I am.
I was surprised + not surprised. Surprised because I have been through so much healing + counseling, but not surprised because the enemy uses the same things to trip us up.
And so began another journey with my uber patient coach. She led me through mental exercises (hello facts vs feelings), book recommendations + truth statements (that are pasted all over my office + bathroom mirror).
What. A. Huge. Help.
The other day, after one of our calls, I was preparing to send a job proposal that I was soooo excited about. It's been on my goals since last year + it scared me to even press send.
And so, before I sent it, I prayed. I asked Jesus to "let it be" if that was His will. I then dissected why I was scared. And there it was. That value word. Ah ha. I was scared because I didn't value myself enough. I was scared because I feared their response would be either them laughing their heads off or worse, silence.
I heard the Lord say: Your value isn't tied to their response.
>>Insert ugly cry here.<<
Oh man, have I succumbed to the converse of this truth too many times to count.
For this job proposal.
For the words of truth spoken to my spouse.
For taking a personal + professional risk.
For choosing to say nothing when rumors are being spread about me.
For sharing the love of Jesus to my neighbor.
All of those reasons (+ so many more) I have procrastinated due to fear of their response. But the fear isn't just them, it's me too. I procrastinate because I don't value me.
I didn't think I was worth that job proposal.
I didn't think I was worth speaking truth to my spouse.
I didn't think I was worth the risk.
I didn't think I was worth letting God fight for me when no one else would.
I didn't think I was worth the possibility of my neighbor unfriending me because of my beliefs.
You get the idea.
But just like my coach keeps reminding me (wink, wink Hillarie), those are feelings, not facts. Their response is not my responsibility.
I do what I am called to do.
And so I press send on that scary job proposal.
Still not sure of the outcome.
But surely, my value will not be tied to how they choose to respond.
Even if the worst happens, my value remains steady.
Because it's rooted in Jesus.
I'm rooted in Jesus.
And that's a fact.
"They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.”