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am I a fake?


I remember hearing a friend say, “I’m so glad I’m not fake like those girls who get their eyebrows done or who wear eyelash extensions.”


When she said it, my heart stopped.


Was I a fake?


Having just gotten my eyebrows + eyelashes done, the pure joy I felt quickly melted into a puddle of doubt + worry.

The last thing I wanted was to be fake.

You see, I spent most of my younger life not really sure who I was. I made decisions based on comparison + wanting, not out of true identity. And because of that, I learned how to “appear” like I had it all together. Although unseen to the world, my outer appearance + my heart were at war with one another.


What a true recipe for burnout.

Over time, my heart started to match my outer shell. Maybe aging had a big part to play (bleh) or maybe it was because I finally gave Jesus the permission to heal the secret rooms of my heart.


The rooms filled with fear.

The rooms filled with low self worth.

The rooms filled with abandonment.

Honestly, it doesn’t really matter how it happened, but that it happened.


Freedom happened.

Peace happened.

Joy happened.


And oh what a “twirl-around-in-the-sun-with-outstretched-arms- feeling” !!!

No longer did others’ opinions paralyze me.

No longer did I allow fear to sit in the drivers seat.

I had permission… no, more than that…

I made the choice to be FULLY ME.

Fully who God created me to be.


Without strings attached.

So when I treated myself to upgraded eyebrows + eyelashes, I was ECSTATIC. Not because I thought I looked pretty with them (although, bonus points) but because it also gave me the gift of TIME.

And as a busy, exhausted, full-time working mama, that was one of the best gifts anyone could give me.

More time with Izzy in the mornings before school?

Sign. me. up.


**********

Being yourself for the right reasons in this crazy world, with so many people shouting in your face with who you SHOULD BE, is one tough assignment. But when the motive of your heart is true + healed, + Jesus has made clear the way, ain’t nobody gonna check you.

Take care of yourself.

Invest in yourself.

What’s right for me isn’t always right for you.

But that’s the beauty of becoming.

That’s the “yet lovely” in your story.

Now go get those eyebrows micro-bladed. 😘