How do I tell the story of something that has brewing in my heart for over 13 years? It feels like it's been in a crockpot…. marinating with all the flavors, just ready to fall off the bone.
But alas, here we are. Present day.
And it's time.
Before we begin, + in order to get the full backstory, read part 1 here. It will help give more details on what yet lovely means + where it came from.
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Back in January of this year, I was in a pretty dark place. My dad had passed away just months earlier + all the emotions of my sister's death came flooding to the surface to join in. I began to shut down + do what I do best when I'm stressed: isolate. I had no energy. No desire to do much. My time in bed increased daily + I could feel the grief overtaking me more + more everyday.
But one day, something was different. I started to feel a little fear of where I was. My campsite was dark. There were no connections. No truth. It was just me. And that's when I heard Jesus quietly say, "Audra, you need to connect again."
As a textbook introvert, connecting doesn't come natural to me. And so the thought of connecting with people, especially in the dark place I was, seemed overwhelming. Honestly, it was paralyzing.
But there was that fear again. The fear from the darkness I was camping in. I had stayed too long. It was ok to stay for awhile, but not to set up camp + get comfortable to create a new normal.
And so I picked myself up, one task at a time. I started making my bed every morning so I wouldn't get back in it after the kid's went to school. I started eating healthier. I set up my office so it would be easier to get work done.
And then I connected. But here's the thing. It overwhelmed me to connect with "people". But as I went back to what Jesus said to me, I realized that He had said more. He said, "You don't need to connect with everyone, just connect with the right ones."
And so I did.
I hired a nutritionist.
I hired a business coach.
That's it. That's all.
Just two connections.
But it was enough.
So over the last 9 months, that's where I've been.
Healing.
Connecting.
Making a mess.
Present day, I feel (+ look) like a transformed person. Do I still get tempted to visit my old campsite? Every. Freaking. Day. But I recognize now, the power of isolation, the power of anxiety, the power of fear that was held over me during that season. I now see that it was toxic + life-sucking + had I stayed any longer, I'm sure where I would be.
I've walked a long distance since those dark days + I want to share with YOU the beautiful mess that has been birthing in me all these months.
A rebirth of sorts.
Discovering the lovely in the ugly.
Love, Audra
P.S. Look for my exciting announcement in the next Yet Lovely blogpost!!!!