“The one thing that you have that nobody else has is you. Your voice. Your mind. Your story. Your vision. So write and draw and build and play and dance and LIVE only as you can.”
I don’t know about you, but dreaming about a new year both terrifies and excites me. And as I reflect on 2014, I am amazed at God’s blessing and grace in my life. He fulfilled His end of the deal and was consistent with who He is as Provider, Father, and Friend. But if I’m being (brutally) honest, I also see that I didn’t live fully by holding up my end of the deal. Oh, I lived….but mostly vicariously through others or through wishes and dreams. I don’t know how many times I was like, “Ok, Audra, this is the 47th time you’ve watched this Hallmark movie. Turn it off and go love on your real husband.” (Seriously though. I think they feed crack through the screen. That Hallmark channel…..It’s a love/hate relationship.)
And yet…..
Jesus still walks with me….He still loves me…. He still gives me new dreams and cheers me on with the old ones.
That there is grace displayed.
So, moving on to 2015. I have been thinking as of late about what my “word of the year” would be. Many words stream through my mind and heart but only one became a constant thought that finally planted in the soil of my heart. Here it is folks…
Live.
Not “Live” like “Live with Kelly and Michael”….but live (liv).
When I looked up the definition of “live” it says this: to have life. Well, duh. I was like, can’t there be a better definition than that? But as I began to say it over and over, it became clear to me that this was exactly the definition I needed. You see, in order to live, one must first have a life. Check. Got that one covered. I am alive. But if you put emphasis on the “have” and say it like, to “have” life, it provides a different meaning.
The definition of “have” is this: to experience, to receive, to accept, to hold. Do you see where I’m going? If I’m really to live than I need to accept the life that’s been given to me. (Insert heart-wrenching feeling here.) So good, right?
I am a pro at people watching. I. absolutely. love. it. I love to look at people and wonder what they’re thinking or what their story is. I know this makes me have geek-tendencies but I don’t care (snort, snort). And sometimes I people watch within my own home. Wow. That sounded kinda creepy. Let me rephrase that. I people watch through Facebook, Instagram, TV, or my thoughts. And before you know it, I’ve lost a good chunk of my day by “living someone else’s life” and “dreaming of what could be” rather than living my own. Make sense?
I wonder how much of 2014 was lost because of that. Actually, I don’t really want to know.
But alas! 2015 is here folks. As crazy as it seems that 2014 is gone, a new year is here. And though there be no magical wand that “poofs” all things new when it hits midnight, it’s a simple gift to refocus the mind, soul and body.
So, the focus of this new year will be to actually live my own freaking life. And I can’t wait.
I leave with you a couple of the books that I’ve just ordered and will be reading this year. Most of them centers around living life (shocking) and others focus on how to overcome/grieve that which has been lost. Very excited about these.
In closing, say this after me,
Dear Self, This is going to be your year. So dust off your sh*tkickers and let’s get started. All my love, Me
love, audra